And The Journey Continues

Well, this past Wednesday was supposed to be my last court date. My lawyer assured me that if I got my license back before we went before the judge that the judge would more than likely dismiss my case. Well, that did not happen. He continued my case until March 16th and will consider dismissing my case pending I complete 20 hours of community service. I walked out of the court room extremely upset and very defeated. It really isn't the hours of community service (well, it is a little but I'll go into why in a minute) it is the fact that it was never mentioned to me as an option. I am a planner. I want to know all the possible outcomes. I just wish my lawyer would have let me know that it was a possibility. She didn't even act surprised. She said, "Man. That's a bummer." Really?

There is only one other thing that bothers me a little. I have done 2 weeks of inpatient rehab, 60 hours of group counseling, and attended 4 AA meetings. That is a lot of stuff. In the eyes of the court, what is the purpose and how will doing 20 hours of community service help me "recover"?

I love to serve. So, the act of the community service is exciting to me. However, it is the humilation that comes along with the reason that I am doing the community service that I have to deal with. I know I shouldn't feel this way but, for now, I do. I am praying that God will take this feeling away from me before I start or at least after the first time.

On Wedneday when we got back home, I sat down to do my quiet time. I had missed my quiet time the day before. One of the chapters I read was Romans 12. Romans 12:12 says "rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and be constant in prayer". God is so good. He knew that I need to hear that. I just meditated on that verse for the rest of the day and the next. I am more at peace about continuing this journey.

Now, I just have to get my community service set up. I am really praying (and would love for you to) that they allow me to choose where I serve. Tori Young (most of you know her) is head of junior volunteers at Duke Hospital. She said she would be more than happy to set me up with something. This would totally take care of the humiliation issue. We will see. I will keep you updated.

Also, please pray for wherever I serve. I pray that I will be able to build relationships with people and show them the love of Christ. I pray that God will recieve all the glory from all of this.

The Day Has Arrived!!

I just got the phone call...my 508 has been approved so I can go and get my LICENSE!!!! WOOHOO!!! Well, I will definitely write more about this later but I need to go get ready for our girl's disciple group tonight. Guess what? Next week I can drive myself : )!

Iron Sharpens Iron...

I am so excited to see what God is going to do through this new discipleship group that was started tonight through a dear friend of mine, Tori Young. There are about 10 of us...leaders and college students. We will meet every Tuesday and discuss what we have read, ask questions, and seek God's will for our lives. We will also be paired up one on one...college student to leader. We will meet with the person we are paired up with once a week if we can so that we can get even deeper into God's Word and other things that come up in our lives. "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17
I am so excited about this! I never really had anyone (outside of family) when I was growing up that discipled me. I have already seen in one evening how beneficial this could be. I encourage you to be discipled and find someone to disciple you. I can already tell that it is going to change my life in so many ways.

We are reading two books this semester: Christian Beliefs by Wayne Grudem and Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donal S. Whitney. I am pumped about digging into to these books along with the Word and filling in some gaps in my knowledge of Christian beliefs. I will continue writing what God is doing in my life through this ministry (of course, in keeping with the confidentiality of the Dgroup).

I am also going through a Bible reading plan on esv.org to read the Bible in a year. I am learning a ton and loving it! It is the first time that I have committed to reading the entire Bible and am actually following through with it (just being honest). I am anxious to see everything that God is going to show me. I need Him to do a great work in me and I am seeking Him to prune away my fruitless branches.


"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine dresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." John 15:1-17

Feeling 16 again...

It's almost here! I officially completed my last alcohol/drug treatment group today. I can't even believe it. In some ways I never thought the day would get here and in others it flew by. I will hopefully have my license in hand by the end of next week. Now...want to hear something funny? My car is making a really weird noise so we can't drive it until we can take it to get it looked and pay to have it fixed (which might be a couple of weeks). Ok, so it isn't really funny, but I just have to laugh about it, you know? God is still good. And, I guess, if I've gone this long without driving then I can go a couple more weeks.

I didn't really learn anything new about alcohol or drugs that I didn't know before now. I spent two weeks in inpatient rehab so I spent a lot of time learning about it and how to cope with abuse/addiction. However, I learned to deal with my past and be open about it. I shouldn't be ashamed of my past. I should be thankful for God's grace and use my past to influence others for the Kingdom. I don't, by any means, want to dwell on it every second. But, I do think it is good to remind myself of what I have gone through because it will only strengthen my relationship with Christ.

I also got to be around a lot of people that are really struggling. Right now, at this very moment, they are seriously struggling with addiction to drugs/alcohol. When I say seriously struggling, I mean getting ready to lose (or already have lost) everything. As part of my treatment (in addition to the 60 hours of group sessions), I had to attend 4 AA meetings on my own. These were not offered at the treatment center that I attended. However, there is a place right near our house that is a women's center. It is mainly a homeless shelter but they do a lot more than that. They also do alcohol/drug addiction treatment. So, since it was so close to our house, I decided I would attend AA meetings there. My eyes were opened to so much. There are people there that are truly hurting and struggling. I realize that it could have been me...so easily. I am grateful. My heart is burdened for these women (and men...they also have a men's shelter and sometimes have joint meetings). I don't know what I want to do, but I want to do something. For now, I am praying for them to be reconciled to Christ and fill their hole with His love instead of their drug of choice.

The Ministry of Reconciliation

At our church we are doing a series called, "Resolved...The End of Self Help". Instead of hearing our amazing pastor J.D. Greear, we had the opportunity to hear our young professional's pastor, Andrew Hopper. He did an amazing job of bringing the message of reconciliation and the ministry of reconciliation through 2 Corinthians 16-21. He explained it as one complete circle beginning with being reconciled to Christ (v.16-18) and then moving on to the ministry of reconciliation (v.19). Next, we become ambassadors of Christ (to beg people to become reconciled) (v.20). And lastly, we come to righteousness (v.21). We should be resolved to tell everyone because He is our only hope and our only Savior.

One thing that Andrew said that really hit home with me was that we must "not forget to remember" our reconciliation experience. If we stop remembering, then we will not have anything to pull from when sharing the gospel to someone. He explained it as drawing from your well of experience. You must have them and remember them in order to draw from it.

I have a lot of experiences with reconciliation to draw from and I don't want to forget. Believe me, I don't think that I will. However, for years I have wanted it all to just go away. Today...I have decided that I will hold onto ALL of it and put it in my well to draw from when I am talking with unbelievers. I want to use my past to be able to let unbelievers know that we have all been there. We are all sinners and we all have a past. We have all made mistakes. But, in the end, God is our Savior and we have been reconciled to Him so that we might become the righteousness of God. Absolutely amazing.

2 Corinthians 16-21
16Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. 17Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 18Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, 19namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. 20Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Well...here goes

Whew. This is hard. There has been a lot going on in my life lately. I have been thinking long and hard about sharing it with all of you. I think I just need to get it out there in the open. Man, I honestly don't even know where to start. Keep in mind, that this is a really LONG story made short. I am leaving out a lot of stuff. Honestly, there is a ton that I don't remember. I am just going to hit the high (and low) points. I am leaving out most of my emotions about everything for now. I'm sure I will write more later. Also, I am just rambling in this post. I am not going to read and re-read it to get it just right. So, if there are things that don't sound right...sorry. I also want to say that I am not writing this to say "look at where I have come from". I am writing this as therapy for myself and to say "look what God has done in my life". I'm going to start with some background information.

Okay, so when I was in high school I experimented with alcohol and marijuana. When I went to college in 1998, I really got into alcohol and drugs. It was bad. So bad that I failed out of my first year at Lander University and my roommates moved out on me without telling me. I came home one day and they were gone. I don't blame them for it. I did so many things that you wouldn't even believe from selling drugs to stealing from my own friends and family. When I say it was bad...it was bad. I got a DUI while attending a community college in Greenwood, SC. I told my parents and my Dad drove down to Greenwood and moved me back home.

I got a job working with my mom and started attending Greenville Tech. I continued to stay in trouble for a little while. Then, the guy I was dating got in a really serious car accident. The day he was getting out of the hospital, a dear friend of mine and my family's was killed in a car accident. At this point, my eyes were opened. I decided to really try to make a change in my life (so I thought).

I applied to Mars Hill College and began attending there in the Spring of 2001 to get a degree. I got baptized during the Spring of 2001 at my home church with some of my friends that I had made from Mars Hill. That summer, I did Work Corp which is a program for college students to be youth directors for churches that can't afford to pay for one. It was an amazing experience.

During the Fall semester, I started getting back into drinking. One thing led to another and I got myself back in the exact same place I was in before...drugs and alcohol. I just couldn't seem to stay away. I managed to still keep my grades just above passing...praise the Lord.

Now, I will skip ahead to my Senior year. In January of 2004, I got another DUI. It was a Sunday. My friend and I began at a restaurant in downtown Asheville drinking bloody mary's for brunch. It ended with me getting pulled over by three police officers at about nine o'clock. I was so intoxicated that I didn't know or remember being pulled over. Wow. Every time I think back to that night it brings tears to my eyes (every time) when I realize that it was God that sent those police officers to me. He saved my life. Better yet, He saved someone else's life. I am so thankful to those police officers for doing their job. Unlike most people, I love police officers!

So, the judge ordered me to either 30 days in jail or 2 weeks of inpatient rehabilitation. Obviously, I chose the 2 weeks of rehabilitation. I continued in school in hopes that I could graduate in the Fall of 2004. In April, I "met" Chris. Chris and I had known each other the entire four years in college but our eyes were opened to each other in a new way. We started dating pretty seriously. I checked into rehab that summer. The judge had allowed me to finish my semester before going to rehab. By the time I went to rehab, God had already done a lot of work in my life. God really used Chris to show me how He could change my life and love me no matter what. Everyday that I was in rehab, Chris wrote me a letter. He was amazing through everything. His friends were extremely worried about our relationship. At the time, that made me so angry. But, now, I see that I would have been the same way. I was trouble. Plain and simple.

Chris stuck by me. It was completely obvious that he was the man God created for me. I had a lot of baggage and he didn't care about any of it. As you could guess, I did not save myself for him. He never made a second comment or had a second thought about it. He loved me for who I was then instead of who I used to be. I am so thankful to him for that.

As most of you know, Chris and I moved to TN in 2004. I got a TN driver's license and (for the most part) never looked back. We had a wonderful church family and God taught me a lot of things during our four years in TN. Then, we moved to Raleigh and it came time to get my NC driver's license back. I knew I would have to meet with a counselor and prove to them that I went to rehab for two weeks. I thought once I did that then it would be over. Boy...was I wrong.

I put it off and put if off, thinking that it didn't matter. On September 13th, driving home from my parent's in SC with just Kael in the car, I got pulled over. Come to find out, my TN driver's license means nothing in NC or SC. So, I got a ticket for "driving with a suspended license" even though technically I had a squeaky clean TN driver's license. I have been without a driver's license since that day. We had to pull Bryce out of preschool. I have court on December 17th. I had to get an assessment with an alcohol and drug treatment center. They concluded that since I have had 2 DUI's and I admitted to having a couple of glasses a wine a week, that I needed to do 60 hours of group counseling. So far, I have gone to 12 group sessions. I have 10 more to go. I will write more about this later. It is kind of crazy.

I want to say that I am not an alcoholic or drug addict anymore. I do not believe in "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic". I know a lot of people will strongly disagree with this statement and that is okay. We all have different experiences with alcoholism. However, I am (daily) putting ALL of my faith in Christ to keep me on the right path. I don't struggle with wanting to be on the path of drugs and alcohol anymore. My life and family are wonderful. I know what abusing alcohol and drugs will do to my life and I want NO part of it! God has blessed me so much and I know that He has taken away my desire for that life. But, as one of my friends always says, none of us are above anything. Sin is always right around the corner. It is a daily commitment to follow Christ and to seek His face in all that we do. I am so incredibly in awe with God's grace and mercy in my life. If you know me well, you know that I cry a lot. I used to think that it was because I had so many years of not being sober that I didn't know how to deal with my emotions. I still think that was a lot of it. However, I realize now that I am often overcome with complete awe that God saved me.

"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

God is good.

You know those times in your life when you are not sure when something is going to work out. You know God is going to take care of it, but you are still struggling with it all. Well, I have been struggling with not having a church home. We will have lived in Raleigh for a year come the end of this month. About a month or so ago, Chris and I had a long talk about what our next step was going to be. We were both emotionally exhausted from church hunting. We were just having a hard time not comparing every church to our last church (which we still miss dearly).

We decided that we just needed to commit to one of our favorite churches and dive in. We narrowed it down to two churches, ultimatley choosing the church that is closest to our house and the one our neighbors attend. We are now regularly attending The Summit. We are positive that the Summit is where God wants us to be. We weren't positive when we first committed to it, but after JUST a few weeks it became clear. God is so good. I am already singing in the choir which is so fun! My neighbor friend and I are leading the worship this week for Route56 (5th and 6th grade) during VBS. We are having a blast! As soon as Chris' schedule will allow, he is also planning on getting plugged in (hopefully helping with the youth in some way). God is doing great things at the Summit and I can't wait to be a very small part of it! Praise the Lord for His faithfulness!

It's me...

I got this survey idea from a friend's blog. All of the things in bold are things I have done. I added a few. Post one on your blog!

Started your own blog
Slept under the stars
Played in a band.
Visited Hawaii
Watched a meteor shower
Given more than you can afford to charity
Been to Disneyland/world
Climbed a mountain
Held a praying mantis
Sang a solo
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Taught yourself an art from scratch
Adopted a child
Had food poisoning
Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Grown your own vegetables
Seen the Mona Lisa in France
Slept on an overnight train (paris to nice)
Had a pillow fight
Hitch hiked
Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
Built a snow fort
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping
Been to a broadway show in NY
Run a Marathon
Been in three states at once
Ridden in a gondola in Venice
Seen a total eclipse
Watched a sunrise or sunset
Hit a home run
Been on a cruise
Seen Niagara Falls in person
Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
Seen an Amish community
Taught yourself a new language
Had enough money to be truly satisfied
Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
Gone rock climbing
Seen Michelangelo’s David
Sung karaoke
Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Visited Africa
Walked on a beach by moonlight
Been transported in an ambulance
Had your portrait painted
Gone deep sea fishing
Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Been to Grace Kelley's grave in Monaco
Gone to a drive-in theater
Been in a movie
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Taken a martial arts class
Swam in the Mediterranean Sea
Visited Russia
Served at a soup kitchen
Sold Girl Scout cookies
Gone whale watching
Gotten flowers for no reason
Donated blood, platelets or plasma
Gone sky diving
Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
Bounced a check
Saved a favorite childhood toy
Visited the Lincoln Memorial
Eaten Caviar
Pieced a quilt
Stood in Times Square
Toured the Everglades
Been fired from a job
Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
Broken a bone (three!)
Been on a speeding motorcycle
Seen the Grand Canyon in person
Published a book
Visited the Vatican
Bought a brand new car
Walked in Jerusalem
Had your picture in the newspaper
Read the entire Bible
Visited the White House
Killed and prepared my own meat
Had chickenpox
Saved someone’s life
Sat on a jury
Met someone famous
Joined a book club
Lost a loved one
Had a baby
Seen the Alamo in person
Swam in the Great Salt Lake
Been involved in a law suit
Owned a cell phone
Been stung by a bee

A new home...

So...Chris and I have been in Raleigh for three months now. Honestly, it seems like we have been here for a year (and I don't mean that in a good way). We absolutely LOVE the area and we have the best neighbors ever! Our neighbors have definitely made this a much better transition. However...I still miss my friends like CRAZY!!

Ok...here is the good part...we found a church!!! YAY!! I can't stress enough how excited we are! It is called Newhope Church and it is in Durham. It is exactly what we have been looking for. The pastor, the people, and the worship are all incredible. God is doing BIG things at this church. We are so excited just to be there! We really believe that this church is going to be our new church home. Thank you to those of you that have been praying for a church for us. I really don't know how people go without a church home. I can't imagine doing it for much longer than we did. The community aspect of it is so crucial. I praise God for sending us to this church! We are so grateful!

You can click on the title of this post to take you to the church website.

Stop praying??

Weird title, I know. That is what I thought when I first saw that it was the name of the first chapter of Crazy Love. I am planning on writing at least one blog on each chapter. It is more for my benefit because it will keep me accountable and help me to work through what I am learning. I think Chris is going to read this with me which will be really neat to do together. However, that means he is taking it to work with him tomorrow and I have to wait till tomorrow night to read chapter 2 : (. Anyway...back to not praying. Obviously, it is not supposed to be taken literally. It is just to stop and be in awe of God before even speaking. It is to "stop talking AT Him" and start by sitting in silence and just being in awe. What if every time before I pray (even when praying before a meal) I just sit in silence and think about how HUGE God is and then start praying to Him? Go and watch "the awe factor of God" video on the books website. Wow. It is the most amazing thing. I will forever have those images in my head to help me remember just how AMAZING and BIG God really is. As my friend, Mendi, would say...SHEESH! Francis Chan gives a long list of things in this world that are truly amazing. They are things that really make me wonder how people can think it was all an accident. I don't want to give any of them because I don't want to ruin it if you are planning on reading it. There was one thing he said that really hit home with me about this. He says, "His handiwork and his creation all echo the truth that He is glorious". Seriously...with everything in creation that is so incredible and shows He is way bigger than we can ever imagine, why can't I remember to scream His praises every second of every day??

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world. Psalm 19:1-4

I'm addicted

Well, I think it is official. I am totally addicted to this blogging thing. I used to tease my friend, Jessica, about her addiction to looking at blogs. Sorry, Jess : )! I think it is pretty interesting everything you can do. I mean, I can write on my blog, driving down the road, using my cell phone. Ok...don't worry, I won't do that!

I am hoping to feel better tomorrow so I can go to the bookstore to buy a new book: Crazy Love by Francis Chan. You can check out the link under "Link Love" on this blog. I am really excited about it! If anyone has heard about it or has any thoughts on it let me know. He has done a video for each chapter of the book. I am hoping that it will help me to become more in love with my Savior!